Happy birthday to you, Zachary!

Tomorrow Zachary will be 17 :)  I am ever thankful for his sense of humor (when we were watching "Father Christmas" last night something made him laugh so hard he cried.  It was such a contagious laugh and though Monica and I could not figure out what tickled his funny bone so, it made us both laugh to hear his laughter bubbling over).  I am grateful that he likes and accepts hugs.  I am glad for his happiness, for times when he be-bops to music.  I am thankful for his sweet and gentle nature towards animals and most of the time, his younger sibling.  I am thankful that he is a part of our family.  I won't sugar coat it at all.  It is not the life I "assumed" I'd have (because I think most people go through life with certain assumptions about how things will go, including parenthood) but it is one which has challenged me to be a better person and it has shown me worlds I might never have understood had I not lived through them.

The other morning while waiting for the bus with Zach, my son took my hand in his big, soft hand and I had a fleeting "if" moment.  The "if" moment is inevitable from time to time.  Milestones make one particularly vulnerable to the "if" moment.  A moment can become a focus if you let it, but doing so would be devastating, so they are to be avoided, or at the very least, not lingered upon.  My "if" moment went something like this.  As I looked up at my nearly 17 year old son I thought: If Zach was a typical teenager he would not be holding my hand.  In fact we wouldn't be waiting for the bus together.  He would run out the door like my other kids and catch the bus himself.  There is the possibility he would already have earned his license, might have a girlfriend, would be looking at colleges to attend in a year or so.  

As I stopped myself from thinking along those lines, more deeply into the "if", I smiled up at Zach with teary eyes and  I told my son that I loved him.  I thought about all of the amazing progress he has made over the years.  I remembered the summer when he was 7 and for the first time addressed my husband and me by name!  I thought thankfully about how his struggles have made me take Linus's development that much less for "granted" as most of us are wont to do.  

This birthday I rejoice in Zachary.  In the unique, mischievous, lovable person he is.

Happy birthday, Zachy!